Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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