exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
