sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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