hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
