I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
