grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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