Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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