I wish I could punch you in the face.
Your tits are I can't wait for
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
