remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
