I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
