Im at strip club and am horny
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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