So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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