i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
