so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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