yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
