mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
