Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
