I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
