is your mom at the bar?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
