I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
