He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my being single is dangerous.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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