Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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