drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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