Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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