I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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