eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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