I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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