All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
