we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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