and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
