I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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