please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
