if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize