I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
the raccoons are back...
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