I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I could fuck to npr.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
