A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The best revenge is premature balding
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
