I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
