Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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