Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think people are normalizing furries
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
