ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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