Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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