her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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