How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
