i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
