Swine flu. Run for my life!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
