I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
