Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The struggles of a small town man whore
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
