we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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