tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
