Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
