Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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