I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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