dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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