There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
