Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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