Don't you send me to vm
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
