i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
