I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
