I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
