if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
