we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
