I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
