no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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