We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize