If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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