She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Every concussion has its silver lining
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
