my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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