Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
