Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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