I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
