I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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