thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she peed on how many people?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
