He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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