Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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