I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize