Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize